Cleveland: The food’s not always prepared near the street

The food in Cleveland looks like a fat guy’s dream. I guess the food is one reason why I’m taking this trip. Besides, if you want to wrap your taste buds around the salt of the earth, there’s no substitute for the Rust Belt.

After me and my fellow traveler’s finish our 650 mile trip, we’re gonna need to strap on the old comfort food feedbag to fill our bellies with solids before drowning our livers in Wiedemanns and Rumple Minze. Since we don’t want to cut into our liquid consumption time, we’ve already researched two places where we can stuff our faces on the cheap!

The Tick Tock Tavern (T3):
I scoped out the menu today and the prices are fantastic. I can buy the entire menu and it would probably cost me $150. This must be what Dez Bryant feels like when he goes out to dinner. Seriously, the most expensive item on the menu is $18.95 (not counting the bucket of 250 chicken wings for $90.99). At that price I’m gonna be mowing down skewered chicken, mozzarella kabobs and potato boats like Eater X. If there’s a restaurant equivalent to making it rain, I’m gonna find it – then I’m gonna do it at T3: The Rise of My Waist Line.

What’s on the Menu:
Well, I’ve already made it clear that I’m going to have one of every appetizer – so that’s settled.

For my mains – I’ve got to roll with the ribs. I mean they’re world famous. Says so right on the menu. Since I’m assuming that T3 was named after the Royal Army of Oz (Tik-Tok), the signature dish has to be good – or they’ll really upset a big Return to Oz fan.

I’m guessing we’ll end up eating here more than once because it’s close to our flophouse. If we do make subsequent trips, I’ll probably choke down the Tick Tock Chicken Grill – again, the name says it all.

Melt:
Every grilled cheese I’ve eaten in my life will be judged against Melt’s Gourmet version. If you’re a fan of Man v. Food, Melt might ring a bell. In season 3, Adam Richman attempted to take a bite out of the Melt Challenge. Here’s how it’s described on Melt’s website:

“Our monster grilled cheese featuring 13 different cheeses, 3 slices of grilled bread and a pile of hand-cut fries & slaw. Over 5lbs of food!!”

What’s on the Menu:
Yeah, I’m gonna go ahead and pass on the challenge, but I’m gonna eat the hell out some grilled cheese. We’ll probably only be at this place once, so I’ll see if I can split a few options with my friends. Here are my picks:

• Winter Chicken: grilled chicken, honey tomato chipotle sauce, pepper-jack

• BBQ Chicken: grilled chicken, grilled onions, sharp cheddar, sweet BBQ sauce

• The Godfather: 3 cheese lasagna, fresh fennel-oregano pasta sheets, spicy red sauce, provolone, garlic spiked bread

• Big Popper: fresh jalapeno peppers, cheddar & herbed cream cheese, beer battered, mixed berry preserves

• The Kindergarten: fresh baked bread, choose your favorite cheese. I’m rolling with mozzarella here to see if Melt can hang with the best grilled cheese I’ve ever had courtesy of Duff’s in Buffalo, NY.

Not only does the food look awesome, Melt just seems like a fun place in general. They even have a special promotion for hardcore fans: Get 25% for life if you get tatted up with one of Melt’s four logos. If I lived in Cleveland, that ink would be paid off in a month.

As an added bonus for the social media inclined, Melt can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Not following is to risk losing all grilled cheese privileges.

See, Cleveland is starting to sound like a pretty great trip after all…

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